Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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