Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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