It's Friday. Sex?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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