it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've blown a few things in my day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
