I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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