he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
