It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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