Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the liver wants what the liver wants
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
