My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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