i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
