i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am naked and annoyed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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