lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
