Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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