i will never coherently bang her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
