A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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