and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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