nut hugger
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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