your parents love me but you hate me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
