It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
