We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
