Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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