last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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