U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
