You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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