Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
