bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
