I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
