No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize