porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
