woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
