Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
