There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
