Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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