just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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