Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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