i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
