I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
