It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
