I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
