Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
