Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
only you would photoshop your dick
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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