thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
