i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
