I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
