yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
