I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
