Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
