Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There r osticjed everywhere
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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