I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If its not for food we ain't going out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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