Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
