So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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