I wish my penis had an off switch
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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