please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
be right there i have to get my cape
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
