Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
