im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
