I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
