Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you still have your period?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
