Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
