i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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