I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
