just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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