what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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