my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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