We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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