so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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