Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
