i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
