I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
