I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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