So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
