I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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